Bio
Just wanted to share a little about myself before getting into the blog. I am 38 years old. I have a wonderful yet strong willed 13 year old son and a strong willed 5 going on 6 year old daughter. I am the wife to the most amazing man I have ever met in my life. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be here today. We love to garden and be outdoors. I love not having to buy most veggies where I can just grow them. I love taking advantage of all the wild berries around my house, I usually pick them and freeze them.
My life wasn't always this nice. I mean no ones life is perfect but my life now compared to about 10 years or so ago is pretty perfect. When I was about 16 years old I ended up getting into a relationship with a guy who was 5 years older then me. We were together for 6 and a half years. Met him on a site called face the jury. Seemed like a nice guy, first time we ever talked online we talked for 9 hours. Crazy right. I was young and naïve to think someone was actually that interested in me. I was always called fat growing up by family, friends and people I didn't even really know. Sorry getting a little off topic. Back to the story. We met in person at a store. I was head over heels (mostly because it was my first real boyfriend). It was all nice for the first year then after that it all went down hill. Probably after the first two or so years of being together it was horrible. We fought so much. I was living with him at the time and so many times he made me move back in with my parents. After a week or so of being back at home we made up and I moved back in. Things didn't get any better. Four years into the relationship turned into physical, emotional, and mental abuse. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere or do anything but it was alright for him to go out all the time with his friends and drink. Most of the time he was at the strip club. I'm pretty certain he cheated on me with a stripper when he was at his friends bachelor party. Youre probably wondering why I didn't leave him. Its simple I was scared for my life. Not easy trying to leave someone who is just out to destroy you and threaten you. He even threatened to beat up my dad one time. He raped me one day because he was mad at me. When he did that and the times he would physically abuse me i would yell for help but no one helped me even though we lived with his father. Im still messed up from that relationship to this day dont even know how to love myself or fully open up. I wish I could go back and have never gotten with that guy. I thought he loved me but it wasn't real. So after 6 and a half years I finally got brave enough and left him. I couldn't take the abuse anymore. It made it so I cant even love myself because I always feel judged and feel like I'm not good enough. After we broke up he tried everything to get me back mostly because I had lost a lot of weight from depression and not wanting to eat. He even threatened to sabotage my relationships. I tried everything to get away from him. Finally he left me alone. After a few months being by myself I finally found my true soulmate and best friend. I feel guilty a lot because it's hard for me to open up. Alot of the time I end up shutting down. It's not fair on my husband's part who has done nothing but love me the past 14 years.
My life wasn't always this nice. I mean no ones life is perfect but my life now compared to about 10 years or so ago is pretty perfect. When I was about 16 years old I ended up getting into a relationship with a guy who was 5 years older then me. We were together for 6 and a half years. Met him on a site called face the jury. Seemed like a nice guy, first time we ever talked online we talked for 9 hours. Crazy right. I was young and naïve to think someone was actually that interested in me. I was always called fat growing up by family, friends and people I didn't even really know. Sorry getting a little off topic. Back to the story. We met in person at a store. I was head over heels (mostly because it was my first real boyfriend). It was all nice for the first year then after that it all went down hill. Probably after the first two or so years of being together it was horrible. We fought so much. I was living with him at the time and so many times he made me move back in with my parents. After a week or so of being back at home we made up and I moved back in. Things didn't get any better. Four years into the relationship turned into physical, emotional, and mental abuse. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere or do anything but it was alright for him to go out all the time with his friends and drink. Most of the time he was at the strip club. I'm pretty certain he cheated on me with a stripper when he was at his friends bachelor party. Youre probably wondering why I didn't leave him. Its simple I was scared for my life. Not easy trying to leave someone who is just out to destroy you and threaten you. He even threatened to beat up my dad one time. He raped me one day because he was mad at me. When he did that and the times he would physically abuse me i would yell for help but no one helped me even though we lived with his father. Im still messed up from that relationship to this day dont even know how to love myself or fully open up. I wish I could go back and have never gotten with that guy. I thought he loved me but it wasn't real. So after 6 and a half years I finally got brave enough and left him. I couldn't take the abuse anymore. It made it so I cant even love myself because I always feel judged and feel like I'm not good enough. After we broke up he tried everything to get me back mostly because I had lost a lot of weight from depression and not wanting to eat. He even threatened to sabotage my relationships. I tried everything to get away from him. Finally he left me alone. After a few months being by myself I finally found my true soulmate and best friend. I feel guilty a lot because it's hard for me to open up. Alot of the time I end up shutting down. It's not fair on my husband's part who has done nothing but love me the past 14 years.
My childhood wasn't any better. I grew up with my dad being a drunk and my parents always fought. When I turned 18 my mom filed for divorce and moved away. I was never really close to her. The last time I saw her was when I was 21. She's never met either of my kids. My dad passed away 6 years ago from stage 3 COPD. I wish he never did, after a rough childhood we were finally starting to have that father daughter bond and he was always a call away when I needed him. But now a huge part of me feels lost and feels like there's a hole in my heart and soul.
That's my life in a nutshell. I am the happiest today then I have ever been in my entire life. Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this. Now onto the good part of the blog haha.
That's my life in a nutshell. I am the happiest today then I have ever been in my entire life. Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this. Now onto the good part of the blog haha.
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